Beautiful Stranger

Friday, June 22, 2007

updated the links cos some of them are hella long. havent been here in ages.
either ways, if you're still here, i've moved! SO, GO, THERE!
http://le_amourr.livejournal.com

move to livejournal while you're at it. HAHA

Friday, April 06, 2007

its a sad world.

i think its sweet that couples this age feel that their love is eternal and will conquer all.
love is eternal and they'll prob end up married.
its a really sweet notion, but im a goddamn romantic turned skeptic... sigh, its so sad.
and its not just me that thinks that way. some who fall in LOVE, with LOVE-
i think thats sad too.

its like what kb told me, that a certain he falls for every girl who expresses the least bit of interest. infatuation.
that, is so sad love. now i feel a whole lot better about myself.
&
my house guests are so darn annoying.
the little boy's next to me in his really, strong, heavy chinese mainland accent and im like -.-
go away. i don't mind you staying here, but don't come and annoy me can.
sometimes i just feel like screaming GET THE HELL OUTTA MY ROOM/HOUSE/LIFE.
but i can't.
so the only outlet for me to vent is my mom. which makes me feel rather guilty but its just something about her these days that annoy me.
its as though every pore of her's oozing "hateme". ugh ugh ugh.
mood- bitchy.

Labels: house guests, in love with love., infatuations

Sunday, March 25, 2007

every family has its own set of problems.

mindless decisions plans the rest of your life for you.

unforseen circumstances can throw your life into turmoil.

and for that reason, i dont blame the behaviour of my parents these weeks. guess for everything they do or say, there were reasons behind it. unscrupulous means whatsoever. i understand. just that it does get annoying at times. rights, bear that in mind.... bear that in mind...

anyone in a mood to get depressed? LOL.
click.

Labels: deviant., family, motives, unscrupulous means

keys to my heart.

Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.
I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language, I don’t understand.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

*laughs* i actually think i'll go through divorce in future. we'll see;)

Labels: blogthings.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

so totally random

i just checked back on some of my older entries.

you always made me risk getting caught sneaking out.
another reason for me to hate you.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

lost lonely boys- heaven

Save me from this prison
Lord, help me get away'
Cause only you can save me now
From this misery

Well I've been lost in my own place
And I'm getting' weary
How far is heaven?
And I know that I need to change
My ways of living
How far is heaven?
Lord, can you tell me?

I've been locked up way too long
In this crazy world
How far is heaven?
I just keep on prayin',
LordI just keep on livin'
How far is heaven?(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)
How far is heaven?(I just gotta know how far it is)
How far is heaven?(Oh, Lord, can you tell me?)

heaven= you.

light on my shoulder- susie suh

It's easier to fall and harder to stand
It's easier to cry and harder to laugh,
And I don’t know how, I don’t know why
But you’re the light on my shoulder

When I'm tired It's easier to run and harder to be still
It's easier to think and harder to feel,
And I don’t know how, I don’t know why
But you’re the light on my shoulder

When I'm tired It's easier to hide and harder to trust
It's easier to hate and harder to love
And I don’t know how, I don’t know anything
But you’re the temper in my voice
When I sing

you were the light on my shoulder..

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

all i want- susie suh.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

bye blogspot. hellooooo LJ

5 reasons why bloggers should switch to livejournal

YOU CAN LOCK YOUR ENTRIES. hooray. no more hiding with font colours. haha, i can rant and bitch and FART my poo.
for convenience sake. half the time i diee when i have pictorial posts. takes forever.
blogger screwed up on me FIVE FRICKEN times that day when i wanted to post.
livejournal don't have scheduled outages [um.. at least i hope they don't.]
HAHA I CAN READ MY FRIENDS' LOCKED ENTRIES NOW. hahhhahaha!

so yes, i'll still reply tags and i dont think i'll abanddooonn this blog, but i'll be at http://le_amourr.livejournal.com so comment and ADD. toodles!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

leox fish and co.

leox dinner, fish and co. pictures, special request of dear KC. hahaha, EH GET A BLOG LAH.

hamtaro and mickey mouse

mm past two days:

tuesday, long skirt day!
felt so bohemian and all. mm pretty much nothing the whole day, then met up with gary as usual. practically ran back when i saw "love me if you dare". haha, he was so hyped up about it so i guess it was worth watching. waited and waited. damn worth the wait.

4outta5 stars. im so in love with it now. and its a GRRREAT show to watch with your loved one. soo, you know what to watch on valentines' day!:D

wednesday:
wheee(:
though the day was pretty much a bore, rushing from lessons to lessons, meeting people here and there in between, it was a GOOD day(:
feeling quite confident for arts app. really hope i score well for that... positive remarks for my impromptu presentation on van gogh! ahhh, love the art days.

met up with gary mary uber bitch and just slacked around. we're such slackers and bitchers. goodness. DEAR CHEE HONG MADE ME WAIT FOR HIM. WAHLAO EH. i dont wait for people kkk. its the other way round =X

and jon is like, thinking up romantic fantasies already. goodness. hahhaha, him and his knocking on classroom doors and surprising. YOU SHY SAY YOU SHY LAH. hahaha i'll gladly deliver for you if you want ahhaaha

monster! beware of the freaky girl. ask her to please stay awayyyyy.
haha, and the rodent org. the hamster and the mouse. good god.

i think i'm pinky/brain. wtf.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

livejournal convert.

i decided to spare everyone the emo momo entries. hahaha, its not that im cheered up. ive found another outlet. find me at my LJ if you really want to get lowflowemoo.

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

The Star is one of those cards everyone loves. In every deck, it is usually the most beautiful. It suggests the peace and harmony of its meaning. There is nothing negative about this card, but I think there is a trick to it. Whatever hope, healing, future it offers, the reader must remember that it might not be immediate. This is a soft card, and like Aquarius, its vision is for tomorrow, not today. That's not to say that it offers no concrete benefits; it is a card the predicts unexpected help, but that help is only the first step. The star only reveals the future. It is up to the Querent to find his way to that future.

http://www.aeclectic.net/basics/star.shtml

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Monday, January 29, 2007

paint the silence

the day passed quite fast. like, went to school for proj onlyy. skipped the lects [hoho, i should stop] then met up with the dear bitch gary and had BREAKFAST. >.<>

decided to watch some lame show in the lib after he told me about this movie illusions, which sounds damn nice but im not gonna watch anymore cos he told me like, the whole plot. oh, then we couldn't find "love me if you dare". anyone who took it, please return cos we wanna watch it. the movie we chose, "le divorce" was supposed to be sexy and funny. okay, the accents were sexy, and i guess slightly in your face and alll.... but um, overall? 2.5 popcorns outta 5. boo.
yes, next time i'll let gary do the choosing.

you cant lose what you've never had. true, but i rather not lose this at all...
dont want to risk it. at all.

~~boohoo~~ i won't get emo over this.. hhahaha, yes, i know my posts are getting increasingly depressing. SO SAD AH. if you're like down, don't read my blogg. you'll feel worse. im gonna take a happy pill tonight and just sleep away the rest of um, everything. :D

all in all, i'm really appreciative of all everyone's done for me. just a small "cheer up" makes me smile too. i won't let this get me down no worries!:D but just let me be emo a little longer alright... things don't heal that fast. i'm trying my best!

when you just long for something more..

we don't fight to win, we fight because there's something worth fighting for.
do not fear things you don't understand.

market research really, phone calls, rude or ignorant managers, staff with bad breath when i leant in with the voice recorder, i think that summed up my morning/afternoon.
and darn that nike manager that made me wait for close to an hour before he came, only to turn me down saying some crap about top management. um, the other manager from wing tai spoke too. hello?

projs tiring me out. macro, i think we gotta stayover somewhere and borrow laptops and such alr.

mom's looking at bamboo trees, dad at garden swings and sis at giant lanterns. im just staring at the phone waiting for your calls...

i dont know man. i was feeling mighty stupid. i gave up two guys who were willing to love me and so much more... for this. just feels rather empty.. can you just, heal this ache?

through the glass, stone sour

Saturday, January 27, 2007

at odds.

as if it wasnt bad enough to be so damn shagged after last night. i had to be woken up in the most crude and annoyingg fashion. a buncha moronic middle-aged men screaming OEEEIIIII and kui chu lai! [hurry come out] for the whole DAMN STREET to hear. i'm sure the next street heard them pretty darn well too. yes yes, i thought they were sps boys and was gonna scream my lungs out at fuckers who woke me up at 7-8plus in the morn. alas, it was a wedding. thou shalt not scream YOU MOTHERFUCKERS SHUT UP on someone else's wedding.

hmmm.

proj's draining. her i don't wanna bother myself with anymore. no point me feeling all emo. i have that ache and that longing, but fuck lah. nothing seems to be happening, and i'm afraid to screw things up this time. just holding on to this... i guess i would be happy with this. but for how long more?

- :( losing it.

kc's joke of the day:

little boy: santa, i want a baby brother
santa: well, send your mom to me!

HAHAHA i dont know why that cracked me up. :D and hes damn excited. i am too. omgaah, leox outings to be confirmed but ideas are flowwinggg... zoo cum night safari, movie night cum clubbing [? um. possible] amazing race [kc you want?!?! :D] , chalet cum bbq cum dvd marathon [?] hahhahaaha anyone up for mass tanning session? HAHAHAAH

and look out for the steamboat in the hols. all i can say is, keep the days after the end of exams free!:D

mmm. looking forward to next week!:D hope things go the way its supposed to. proj-free after friday!:D then... (:

leox dinner, fish and co.!

leox. fun fun fun! though turn-out was small but we still had fun. they started mentioning who's not here which made me realise, EH YAH. HE/SHE FROM LEOX. haha, we need more outings. next one coming up, ic/s: kc and me! YAY. steamboat anyone? GIANT leox steamboat. *laughs*

fish & co lame moments. camwhoring with kazumi and maybelle. mountain and his 5kg worth of food, and his cheehong picture! :D
- pics when kazumi sends -

in the end we ended up at the train station playing "tian cai something something ju zi" haha! damn cool. i won daniel. HAHAHAHAHAH. coolios. my chinese sucked like hell. and knn's chinese right?;)

kc darn sweet. he offered lifts back for all the girls. he damn gentleman. made sure that sinnee was in the lift before we left. now, where do you find guys like that these days. half of them i know don't even open doors for girls no more.
haha... felt quite bad initially cos there's no space. 7 in a car! 4girls plus gerald in the back. yiwen damnnn noisyyyyy! poor gerald got squashed by her. and they literally sent me back home. slacked there for a while and all. hahahahah... thanks kc!:D

and thank you sweet monster. small things like you staying up just to wait for me to get home was really heart-warming(: things like this are enough to make me content and (: I HOPE YOU KNOW THAAAT. haha, i pray you read my blog dearie.

haha, and when i was talking to her, everyone asked.. boyfriend ah. HAHA. ummmmm? haha!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and you, one hell of a bastard. you think we want to do this. you think its nice to come after you and all. you never cheated? show her damn face? sure thing. we give you face only seriously. wtf more you want. all the girls know the story now. they can just meet up. there goes your rep seriously. you want a clarification? don't take it as confrontation. all the girls come together and verify the details and the loopholes in your story. i guess then you'll be happy and it'll just all come to one thing:

you're just another lying bastard.

don't try to play lah huh. those cards dont work no more. i understand your frustration. but honestly, its not so much the fact that you did all that, that we're angry. true, we're pissed. but the one that fucks us up is the fact that you're still fucking denying and shifting responsibilty. you have a thousand and one excuses for yourself la huh. and we're all sick of hearing the damn lies. kim? sure thing. we can bring her down to talk too.

on rebuttal: were YOU physically attractive? i ask you. who the fuck are you to judge. you ain't no brad pitt yourself. you're not entitled to that disappointment either. you did nothing to make her feel secure in the first place. and what glooorryyy is there in all of this. having your heart torn out and trampled on? you tell me?

all in all, i have two words for you.
fuck you.

seems like everyone's dedicating hate posts to you now huh. good for you. mr 'popular'.
and fyi, the only reason im getting so involved is that dammn, i helped you bitch. and carmen's my friend. you hurt her bad. at least be sorry for your actions. then you wont be so pitiful in our eyes. boohoohoo.

Friday, January 26, 2007

getting bitchier by the day. HOHO

i love the bad boy factor. goddd, such a turn-on. *laughs*
rather random bit of info. i'm so supposed to be on my way out now to meet the leox-ians, but one, i'm too lazy to get offline, two, i gotta travel all the way down to dhoby ghaut area, three, mom refuses to give me any more money [boo all the cabfares:(] four, i'm real sleepy and its raining and its so nice to sleep and alllllll.

yeah i'm just making excuses. but i told quite a few people i was going. *yawns*

i got dao-ed this morning by this guy/bung. don't wanna share cab with me tell me nicely next time! hmph. proj was.... almost none existent. abandoned it for a major bitch share session of what else but our favourite common hot topic. and there were like 8bsc girls. one circle. guys, don't underestimate girls cos they sure as hell can get bitchaaayyy.

bloody hell you should just watch yourself really. things you say, things i hear, all different. they don't tally up. and don't count on me being on your side. ive defended you more than i should have, and the fuck the feeling of betrayal when i found out you were anything but that.
you should know the girls are all coming together now, your hate club is growing by the day.
so if i were you, i'll watch my back and behave myself. hear me? behave.

as quoted, mothersonofacunt. XD

left for lunch with gary. my daily dosage of bitchiness in one gary pack. haha! saw dear chee hong... halfway through found out i had meeting. ZOMG. i almost had a heart attack. *spasms*

anyway, BSG IG gonna sell roses, gerberas, and mini sunflowers for valentines' day! for more details, call me!
and yes, i recommend the early bird specials.

more food with carmen [i need to start dieting alr. *groans* i heard depression is good. come, someone break my heart. ] and stories about carmen the bird.

carmen was an itty bitty little bird that got caught in a monster's belly and one day she decided to claw her way out from the hole in his heart. she flew free but now shes too skinny. she needs to eat more to fly further away from the evil fucker.

haha! thats it for today dearie.. episode two next week! HAHA

yawn yawn yawn

the whole day was a huge yawn.

i hate comfortcabs. i'm not a complain kinda person, but when you make me wait half an hour to get a cab, 5 available cabs pass me, with 1 even changing to ONCALL when he saw me [sickassbitch] and the one that will pick me up did it at 0929 so i still had peak hour charges, i WILL complain. even if i have to hold on the line just to say my piece. grrrrr. mofos.

but either way i was grateful so i tipped him. thank god. i got to class at 0950:( but im marked present!:D and thank you carmen for helping me cover up. i um, supposedly lost my wallet in the cab;)

received that in the mail. haha i remember the group picture. i dragged kok sheng into the pic, then we were the only few non csc folks. HOHO!:D stupid birds/cranes. and guys are slower learners compared to girls.

met gary before accounts test, then after that met maybelle at the court. poor girl... darn the unreasonable lecturer. don't worry babe, next time, just kick him hard down south. HAHA!

mmm and carmen, please please look after yourself. man you're shrinking into nothing. :'(

yawn. long days. proj + leox dinner + more proj + centis dinner + more proj - sleep =

no weekend

Thursday, January 25, 2007

it doesn't hurt, AS MUCH, to have little expectations, or none at all.

and thank you so much hakim (design). hats off to you(: thanks for shedding light, and just, clarifying things with me when i'm on the brink of giving up. a short half an hour just to cure that ache that was there for weeks. smart guy. ;D

anti-best friends.

and dear gary brings out my inner bitch.

bitchy-licious
but anyways, had a UBER, FANTASTICAL time at dinner with THE BITCH CLUB, DIGILOVE CLIQUE. just awesome people. <3s>
too bad MEL-lisa and hakim shafdy (sorry have to use the full name. if not i'd get confused with the other hakim) wasnt there. it would have been a blast!

there were lingyu, zhaopei, the design hakim and me. we settled down at cpf mac after much procrastination in school, and started the "talking". i dint know there was so much to talk about. the main topic was!!!! HAH NOT TELLING YOU :P figure it out.

moments of laughter ensued. topics like
% winx club
% captain planet
% power rangers
% teen titans
% transformers made the "talk" hilarious.

and things like "transformers bitches in disguise", "mighty morphing power bitches" made it more funny.

thats gary for you. the bitch club's gonna cut and paste entries. hoho, fricken bitchily hilarious:D
our theme songs like include, the power rangers message tone, a winx club cum all the rest song. omgaahh.

don't worry gary, i think digilove clique has a higher chance than bitch club either ways. go recruit subcomms! HAHA. i wanna dance in the lift again. it was funnnnnn. :D woohoo!

on something totally random... KC! OMG. I WANNA SEE YOU IN KC UNIFORM. HAHAHAH!! and you want scandal ah? ;)

so today:

two down. ob presentation= not too bad. mosaic= i pray for an A. not bad. two more proj submissions, 2 more presentations...
lazed around school with gary, bitching and gossiping. i officially title him, my bitchiest friend. haha, we just sat outside the lib and bizpark. major people central. i love. (:
forms for SL are out! should be tonnes of fun. nothing less with US around

and i did the right move. by dropping her bestie a message, i can at least find out if i'm waiting in vain. thank god for that reassurance. just gotta earn trust.

now how does that sound like an easy thing.

Labels: anti-best friends, bitch club, himbos

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

you left me in the lurch...

i went from two to none. oh well, i guess it definitely uncomplicates my life. just that this wasn't what i expected as a turn-out... disappointments do happen.

i just want things to get back to normal, and if trying then still doesn't work, i'm ready to give up.

i'm feeling quite stupid actually. cos i do miss him. or i dont know if its the phonecalls from any certain someone i miss. maybe i miss being attached. how ironic. and it was only days ago that i felt detached from the status.

the confrontation today i thought was in short, futile, immature and totally moronic. but i guess some things just can't be laid off like that, and he might have been seeking his own closure to this. whatever it is, im glad things are working out. i had actually thought about staying friends with him, but its obvious. today's behaviour was a major turn-off. boo:(
think the worse is over... i'm really glad kannan didn't blow up or lose his temper, but i thought don could have handled it better. and definitely no racist comments. that was totally unneccessary. hes mixed anyway.

thanks carmen and joyce esp. you guys have been there for me throughout. all i can say is, i'm real grateful for friends like these. (:
ck, kc and even kok guan coming up to me to ask if im okay.. kok guan is like, the sweetest mr nice guy. haha, he goes around making people smile. it was totally unexpected, of all people. and he doesnt use the usual cliches. and he does have a point. we should look on the bright side of life(: i almost forgot how to do that really.

think i'm getting back into the groove of school. projs, assignments etc. mosaic submisson cum mini presentation + ob presentation tomz.. big day boyyy. and ima so proud of myself. few hours and my mask looks pretty pretty enough to eat. hope its good enough for hernie.

valentines day is coming. i dont even know if she'll hold true to her word.

you drive away, from my car crash of a heart

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

200th entry. time to switch.

i shall allow myself to wallow in self-pity and be totally pessimistic for a while. oh wthhh. maybe a while longer.

i'm getting really tired. i think my recent entries are getting increasingly emo.
okay, i can't even muster enough energy to blab about the rest of my day.

blab.

gabe saved my life when i sent out an S.O.S message to practically half the bsc comm and second years i know. thank god for them and stats textbooks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

and so the monday was really tiring. proj to proj john-tucker-must-die [HOHO] to bizshield to marina to nike PS and to spotlight. by the time i got home i barely had enough energy to do anything. was feeling rather down...
but the phonecall with carmen and joyce made up for it(: in the process of getting an LJ! COOLIOS. haha!
second phonecall... to end things with him. i really am sorry... i don't know what else to say.

sigh.

laterrr. stats test, marketing and ob proj, the ex confrontation and the mosaic proj. submission's tomz i havent started. wowwee.

I'd rather have bad times with you,than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

on and on you're just another brick in the wall.

Monday, January 22, 2007

when i get scared at night, i don't know who to call anymore... :(

its 0400plusplus and i still cant get to sleep. i guess tomz on i gotta really throw myself into what i'm doing and forget all these.

i cannot let these affect me. i cannot let these affect me... i wont let these affect me...

but i cant help it when my heart is yearning for so much more.....

Labels: trouble sleeping

maybe this is retribution.

TP OH 0607

i missed the first mass dance! pretty much the day was bo-ring. my slut gary [g> headbanging= post fucked look =X] and himbo hakim wasn't there. all too soon, it was over. i'm glad our purple freshies/juniors came down! so so glad i was. just felt bad i was all over the place and couldn't spend time with them. crowd control for hady, screaming even though we were jonathan fans [HAHA] never-ending cheers, our TPSU [tipsu/program adapted] cheer... SU made it feel like one big family. (:

appreciation dinner at mensa. lisa made me laugh till my sides hurt.

me: [puts ear to lisa's stomach] how many months alr??

lisa: HAHA. CAN YOU HEAR MANGO PUDDING?

IT MAKES ME LAUGH EVEN NOW. AHHHAHA! that pig ate like, a lot. a lot, a lot. and i think she like stars, a lot. or maybe its just a coincidence. it better be ah MEL-lisa sutrano.

met up with cara and her friends, then went to bsc room. things- awkward still. im awfully grateful for joyce being there. the whole time. even during jam and hop when i was upset over things i heard about him, when i was concerned if she was actually concerned [hoho] and all the others. i doubt you'll see this, but thank you so much. it meant a lot to me(:

as for what happened, i could have dealt with it better, or with more maturity perhaps?

on both sides. male and female.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

emo entry warning.

im pretty upset with you sweet monster.

~~Beneath the rainbows... Raining in the sunset:D~~... i no longer see that.

to the monster, if you're ever reading this:

dont say you love me, then take it back.

dont say that you'll always be there, then run away when things are heating up.

don't get me too addicted to you. was it all just sweet-nothings.

you tell me you dont fall easily for just anyone. i dont know...maybe you're afraid.

i'm afraid too.

in fact, i never felt this way.

it was like, once i started returning the affection, you were too afraid... is that it?

honestly speaking, you're driving me nuts, and hell i don't like it. im in deeper than i like to admit, but i do hope for once, this ain't gonna play me out.

when i finally, really want to try for something, don't take it away from me. if you're serious about me, tell me. if not, then stop this, please.

and was it cos i was close to anyone? if so, tell me... i was stupid for doing that, im sorry:(

[kC] [Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light] says:

smile before u sleep ! cause LY GONA ROCK THE WORLD !

Lets talk about what he's done to become your number one. says:

im always here alright?

thank you loves. © (:

kim, maybelle, ming,hakim, lisa... denise and joyce esp... thanks for being there when i was so messed up that night.
blogging's a relief for me. a vent, an outlet. hope this will be super therapeutic. and for the rest of those kay-poh auntiee friends who are so keen and concerned about my love life, thank you for being there for me(:

pretty much right now i'll just think i got my just desserts then.

i got what i deserved.

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Labels: bsc room, cara, emo, mango pudding, mass dance, messed up, monster, openhouse, retribution, running scared

Saturday, January 20, 2007

touched

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

and to think that before this, i thought it was just some emo country song in my itunes. never knew it could evoke that much feel. hearing it really breaks my heart. sigh... i feel the pain. i do.

on something much less emo-h, openhouse has been FUN, TIRING, FUN, TIRING, FUN TIRING. AHAHAHHA. omg, so much fun. yelling, hi! welcome to tp!:D or teaching loads and loads and loads [and some guys are really MORONS ] to fold paper cranes. yay! so happy. so many bowls of rice. more birds, more luck! ;)

bluetooth central boyyyy. our digi love "clique" 2hakims [2mucho himbos]+1himbo-gary+1sutrano-indo-dodo-lisa plus meeee. haha! jamming in the hydro lift. good god. and just going nuts. [gary you himbo slut! lets headbang today! HAHA]

dinner first night. thanks maybelle(: i swear you've become such a part of my life if i dont see you daily, i actually miss you. (: come find me more often lah. purple dinner came down to just the 4 of us. ming disappeared, freshies couldnt find us and left, kim and hafiz mia! and realised that our dear chee hong isnt that bad after all. sensitive new age guy!:D talked on the bus and both of us took the round trip to talk more. hmmm, i shall stop making fun of him that much. HAHA.

2nd day, erm, eventful? urban faces contest, ahh, we were rooting for laura. i thought gary was gonna droooool. and carmen if you're reading this, i really hope you're okay(: i hoped he clarified with you last night, and i hope you wouldn't let this get you down... smile my love:D

pastamania dinner with blue plus others. whoa, yisheng+gary= total bitchslutwhores. damn, they should stop [read this gary] bastard-ing me. hmph. and alvin's bro looks like his carbon copy.

IM GONNA BE LATE FOR FIRST MASS DANCE. OMGGG. okay, and proj edit. omgomgomg no time. anyone at this box on this very saturday, OMG GET UP AND GO FOR TP OPENHOUSE YO. ITS THE BEST THING.

Jam and Hop
Time: 1900pm
Venue: Triangular Garden

Bring ALLLLLL your friends to the happening school!;)
psst. you don't see np being so fun right? HOHO!XD

Labels: carmen, digi love, gary, hakims, jam and hop, openhouse, purple, sutrano, swaying, touched

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

ladeedum.

i dont want my family to live in fear forever.
fuck you benny.

when i wanna just give up on everything i believed in...
commitment problems and the sad excuses i make to myself.
i guess on the surface, its a status, but i always felt detached from it.

feee-leng low flow e-mooh. sweet. where's my happy pill??

What is your flirting/relationship style?
Flirtatious

Even though sometimes you think that guys like you for only your looks, but girl, you have it all. You know when to back off, and when to keep going. You have the looks, the style, the personality. Everything. Stop trying so hard if one guy isn;t paying attention to you. Chances are you have 10 others waiting for the right time to ask you out.

Take this test

erm. :D / :( ? HAHA.

What Kind Of Guy Is Waiting For You?Girls
The Boy Next Door

The boy next door would be your ideal guy. You guys dont need money to have fun and no need for shopping or beer. A walk to the creek and a late night phone call would be all the comfort you two need.The perfect couple.

Take this test

i have plenty plenty of stuff to do.... but i needed to de-stress. *laughs*

Labels: commitments, emo, family, quizzes, relationships, status, tests

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

in too deep

darn.... sleepy..... zzzzz....

how to get through the week? somehow i feel i have too much on my plate. and its overflowing dammit. but openhouse was an event i couldn't resist not taking part in:(
its okay, THIS COULD BE A LOT WORSE:D

i'm half-proud of myself today, cos i went for half lectures. late for both but i was there, thats all that counts!;) the subsequent days, i will embrace my subjects with love.

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can-can business. good god. publicity on my blog.

please donate your can food! contact me for details! its all for a good cause! all these are going to a hamper competition that's gonna benefit the old folk. soooo, bring me those TINS!

be geneROUS. THANKEWW!

more at www.bsc-subcomm.blogspot.com

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i guess you had a right to feel the way you did. i'm just sorry i didnt realise that earlier on. i was too damn caught up in my own web. and those reasons were justified. i should be the one giving you the security...

the long walk home. de-tours, talk about houses and old aunties at bus stops.
and and the "coffee"! to-go please!
nicely brewed cuppa with premium coffee beans and steamed froth milk. topped with whip cream and caramel, bits of marshmallows and a bf's love(: how sweet can it get? diabeticcc! :D

[ Jay Chou- Bai Se Feng Che ]

still, after that phone call..... i'm like.... muddlefuddleboohoo:( i feel like a total bi-atch.

Labels: confused, in between., torn

Sunday, January 14, 2007

ohhh bother.

holy crap. and the work starts piling up. boo. my time management skills are awfully rusty. deadlines, presentations and meetings coming up too. openhouse etc etc. just hope i'll still have some time to spare for the two loves(:

cara. just a best friend... perhaps?

town yesterday with the clique. saw surina on the bus. major changes boyyy.
mmm, and maybe i haven't been out with them too much that it felt a little foreign. there were surprises from teri's end... other than that, it was pretty uneventful for me.
charm, eunice and i were mosaic shopping, and i was quite exasperated i didnt finalise my design before heading there. [anyone know where to get ceramic masks?! ] and i couldnt meet cara cos she ended work too late. ahh well.

everyone/everything says follow your heart.
dammit. its confused right now.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

bizshield

i guess i should learn how to set multiple alarms in the morning.

i ended up finding some half-stranger, asking her, "hello, 9 o'clock lesson? wanna cab? " hoho, she was quite friendly. cmm year2. ahhh, next time i shall do that;)

morning was good(: lecture was boring.
trying to finalise my mosaic piece. oooh im so excited. haha, and i cant wait really, if i can get the cds, freehand drawing next sem. yay!
and i guess i'll run for elections, when i'm ready. perhaps this year perhaps the 3rd.

i pass my accounts zomgzxzzxzzxzzxzx.

*double-flips*

been going to meet bsc folks almost everyday this week alr. bizshield bizshield and bsc subcomm oei! officiating matches [so-called], and mad-emoing on the benches, it was great fun(: too bad today was cancelled due to the weather conditions. ahhhh just when i was looking forward to watching the hot soccer guys;)

SU duty maybe tomz? career fair! study! erm. study! and erm..... STUDY! *laughs*

and HAKIM SHAFDY AHKOR MATTHEWS have been comparing me to a product. too much econs and marketing my friend. oh, and did program gary post up your non-halal secret? *oops* =X! HAHA:D

the rain.. the blocks opposite... <3
and to the monster: (: god only knows how grateful i am for having you in my life.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

blessing?

its been long since i held a paintbrush....

my art shelf and its memories.
and i still remember those days. haha, anything we didnt understand or anything we tried out and didnt turn out well, we called ABSTRACT :D
guess we're still making excuses for ourselves.

she finally confessed. i almost breathed a sigh of relief. after the tussle and the maybe-maybenots and the no-lah-we're-just-friends. i just wished she would have had the guts earlier on. sigh...
but i'm happy with the current love... i'll try not to get emo and stuff okay? (:

so is this a double blessing or a curse...?
the two of them are such a big part of my life right now... and i'm hanging on a delicate balance between the both of them.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

my mosaic heart.

the complex love couture.

would you go with someone who makes you smile, really, but you dont feel as much for... or would you go for someone that you feel is worth it, but a lot of painful emotions would come your way if you choose this person.

i think i'm a Bastard. says:
omg....
i think i'm a Bastard. says:
im torn...
♥ LINGYU- I'm Lovin' It. says:
haha pretty much thats how i feel
i think i'm a Bastard. says:
date both..
i think i'm a Bastard. says:
haha

pretty much i agree with what hakim says. when you've broken up, you're out in the "market". haha, though the term doesn't really sound too complimentary. hoho, i'm not a piece of poultry dearies.

but thank you hakim. you're one of my more understanding friends. or actually, one of the few who actually know whats going on(: smart-ass. and you're definitely not a bastard. to hell with those who can't accept you. take their opinions and shove it up their sad asses;)
[ i said i'll credit you right? ;) ]

i think tomorrow on, i should stop looking back in anger and regret, and stop getting upset over all the mundane. it shouldn't be affecting me(: think positive my loves.

*laughs*

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Suddenly I See

and its over. just like that.

i feel, almost relieved. and i can finally breathe like i have never have in the past few months. its finally out..... so *exhales deeply*

one by one the characters are dropping out, and there's only us left(:
the girl's still undecided, so lets just leave things the way it is. she'll always be just a sweetie to me. :D

mom decided to go nuts and have a bbq today. good god. looks like my cough's here to stay...

and for some reason, mixtape's been stuck in my head the whole day. have been screaming two lines of the chorus every half an hour. dearieme. all i can say is, OH BLESS L' NEIGHBOURS!XD

Friday, January 05, 2007

external factors.

half an hour of school. what am i doing?! it was just project consultation... and i skipped the lect after cos i wasn't feeling too good. sudden dizzy spell.
after today, the count of who-knows is upped to 4 on my side. its becoming increasingly hard to hold it in. on the other side, i have no idea. ive pretty much been mum and zip about this.
slacked in the bsc room before they headed over to the courts. i loved the "karoke"session. hoho, jolene, joyce and i just started getting emo with old school songs. bsc choir. *laughs*
met a friend on the bus and am really glad of what he said what i told him whats going on. finally, someone positive. after 2 negative reactions and opinions from the friends that mattered, probably the most to me, it was almost a relief to hear someone say that. thanks hakim. and dammit you're gonna be legal in like, 8 days.
ultimately, i make the choices... so... (:
right now though, i feel myself swaying closer to the other side. i don't think i feel anything serious for her.... then why do i care so much.... and we can't go public either. that's kinda getting to me.
shall just get some work done, wait for her call, turn in and meet him tomorrow. i think i need to talk to her...
bizshield next week. darrrn its gonna get busy:(

you think relationships are confusing?
try having, 6 damn characters in your life.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Blurry.

Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty and everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you, I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone, you could be my scene
You know that i'll protect you, from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are
There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far

Can you take it all away, can you take it all away
Well ya shoved it in my face, this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away, can you take it all away
Well ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing, there's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending, and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you when to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you when to runaway

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overslept in the morn. so its postponed once again. don't wanna drag alr....
cara, town(: she really made me smile. and that was probably the only time i truly smiled today.

met bsc at katong and headed over to clarke quay. prata, mindgames cafe, jon&serene, charoodles, theanimalgame etc etc. ... the bridge, the ride home... familia de horreur, and another priorities speech.

i smiled, a little, for the afternoon.

alas, the saltiness on my face.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

straight crooked. straight crooked. straight crooked. straight crooked.

Slaaaaannnted:D

Monday, January 01, 2007

so this is the new year.

i hated my situation.

but then i look at it, things are gonna turn out better. i hope.

to you: since you say you read my blog. here's a little more.

i just realised i had too much to say daily to have a hiatus right now. and i realised i shouldn't let what other people say affect my blogging. cos this is what i do, for me, not for them. sorry, but you can think what you want. pretty much my life's starting to fall back into place, all except for the past that keeps catching up with me. its haunting and suffocating me. and if you're gonna take everything i say literally, its gonna get very tiring. cos really, despite me wanting to take credit for those totally emo and deep phrases/words sometimes, i just ripped these from songs. so don't read too much into it. and one more thing. i know you care, but... if you really did care how i felt, you wouldn't be doing this...

gonna see you in a few hours. and im so goddamn tired. i have a whole day ahead. god have mercy and give me strength.

with that cleared, i'm gonna breathe more in the new year, i'm gonna study harder, love deeper, plan better, think mature-r [?]... no new year resolutions as i don't ever keep to them anyway. what's the use of making promises you'll break? such an irony...

and until you stop taking everything so seriously, thats all i can blog about. hohoho.

a happy new year to everyone who's at this space:D hope you had a fun one loves!

Friday, December 29, 2006

and a hiatus will be good. i need to clear my head.

to you: don't try to help. please.

season one

im pissed.

stop asking me. would you [all] rather it be a girl or a guy? either way, its my choice. alright, so lets just leave it at that.

thank you very much for respecting me.

and there's just so much i can say. this FUCKING sucks. you get what i mean? why do these things always have a way of complicating itself?

and now, do i cowardly choose the easy way out....

Thursday, December 28, 2006

the door...

and you won me over with that sweet smile and reassuring words.....

long bus rides to nowhere(: 197, 143, 31, 55!
the weather(:
the company(:

it was love.

and i just want more... :D and it shall wait till the ground stops rumbling.

on a really annoying note, the net's down. friendster's down. earthquake in taiwan did something to the network. and we're advised against checking it out to prevent further jamming of the system. grrr. annoyinggggg.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

keep holding on

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand

When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No, I won't give in

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So, keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

So far away I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear
Before the door's closed
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah
Hear me when I say
When I say I believe.
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be Will work out perfectly

to haunting pasts, future hardships, the insecurities and moral issues....

EX-Kcian BABES

TP OIE

Pure FUN

Past Perfect

You are The Star